Birds and goats and llamas oh my!

Those who know me are well aware that animals are not among my favorite things. Especially the flying ones, or creepy crawling ones, or hairy ones, or big ones, or small ones…..in other words all of them! I am not proud to be afraid of all these supposedly “cute” beings, but I just do not find most of them adorable or appealing or likable at all. Now, however, since I am a somewhat responsible adult and I have kids of my own I am trying my best to not instill my fears in my kids. For example, I pretend to the best of my ability that the swarms of grackles what gather outside the grocery store do not bother me. Never mind the fact that I will rather park a mile away than park in the spot right next to the entrance if it means I will also be parked right next to a half-eaten burger being devoured by a gazillion of these oh-so-unattractive-flying-monsters-with-their-super-creepy-eyes! **mere thought makes me shutter**

Recently I was sitting inside a break area at the pediatrician’s office eating lunch with my kids when two crows decided to land on the table just outside our window. These two black, screeching horrors were the size of Chihuahuas who has had one too many burritos. They were enormous!! Yes, I managed to stay calm, yes I managed to, kind of, keep eating my lunch and yes I think I managed to not show my kids how secretly terrified I was of these black things. I felt like I was having a therapy session taking the first step in the 1000 step process to overcome my ornithophobia (phobia of birds). Not even looking at them through the glass was enough to make me feel safe and I hated it!! My heart rate was through the roof and my stomach was turning, but otherwise I was ok I guess. 

Even though my fear of birds is much stronger than my fear for most other animals I still try to avoid places like petting zoos and pet stores if I can. This past weekend though we were at a place with a petting zoo. My middle daughter went inside and she petted goats and looked at chickens etc. with her auntie and she was curious and doing alright. Meanwhile, my oldest daughter was outside the fence with me. She was a little curious but she did not want to go inside. She also said she wanted to feed the goats but then changed her mind once her auntie actually bought the food. In an attempt to show her that I could feed the goat and so could she, I walk up to the fence with the food in hand. Well, feeding the little goat would have been ok, feeding the big goat-looking thing next to it would have been survivable too, but feeding the big llama that rushed over as soon as I walked up was out of the question!! And that shaggy thing must have read my mind because it did what llamas do best, it spit in my face!!! Not just a tiny little sprinkle, nope a huge spray of globs of mostly chewed slimy hay and other disgustingness all over my face, my chest and my hair!! Yuck, yuck, yuck and double yuck!!! So, it was clearly established that I can indeed NOT feed goats or anything else for that matter. And llamas are now on my short list.